Balance

One thing that man learns over time, hopefully maturing as he ages, is the beauty of balance. Balance allows you to enjoy but keeps you from overindulgence. It is the two Sam Adams Darks (or Negro Modelo or whatever you prefer) over dinner shared with your wife that taste so wonderful and give you a very slight buzz. It is not the seven or eight beers followed by a wobbly and dangerous drive home.

It is also knowing what you can and cannot control. I cannot have even one cigarette, ever, because the urge to smoke pack after pack would come roaring back. I know this all too well. Although it has been better than sixteen years since my last puff I will not risk a relapse. But I can have a glass of champagne and not have another. Or I can go months without an alcoholic beverage at all.

Right now I have a morose teenager on my hands because her camera is broken...again. She waited three-four weeks for it to come out of the shop and five minutes after she began using it again it ceased working. Fortunately the repairs came with a warranty. But now she is without her camera again and her anguish was truly a sight to behold, complete with mascara streaming down her cheeks and a subsequent headachy bout of depression.

I am thankful that her life is such that a broken camera is a tragedy, that she doesn't have abuse and death and disease as integral parts of her existence. I also know that the days will come when harder things enter her life and I hope she is ready to withstand them. Really, she is a good kid and I believe for very good things for her. I think she will be fine.

It made me recall the tragedy of my eighteenth year, when I learned that I would be drafted into the military out of college no matter what my grades. I didn't cry, but I hopped into my convertible and went out driving, screaming at the sky in anguish and anger. There was no one to punch and no way out. Yet the absolute tragedy that it seemed to me at that time would be part of a long life's journey and despite the twists and turns I am very glad to be where I am on that path right now.

The Book of Proverbs has been a source of wisdom and balance for me in my Christian years. I was once one of those young men who was not easily taking the mantle of adulthood, preferring to party and self-gratify above any concerns about others. Having a child began the change in me, meeting God determined that more change would continue...and it continues still.

I don't write on the subject of Creation and Darwinism to prove that God exists or that He created. Nor do I believe that there are any Darwinists who can prove their position. One reason I write, though, is to show that the evidence is consistent with a Creation. In other words, I write to illustrate the possibilities. For there are too many people who don't understand that Darwinism is not a fact, not proven, but simply a series of suppositions that for the time being is the one accepted by the majority of scientists.

I also write as a way of sharing my faith. What God has done in me seems so miraculous to me. I know the self-centered and mercurial young male I once was, a Dorian Gray of a guy dedicated to his profligacy, with a picture in his soul turning steadily more depraved. The day God wiped the slate clean, threw the picture away and rebooted my life resonates still. In truth, you cannot know that there is a God until you actually have the faith to meet Him. Once you have met Him, then you do know. But it really isn't something you can prove to anyone.

People in my business, who have not met me but simply encountered me over the phone, usually think that I am a very young man and probably from California. It seems my style of speech and my attitude is that of someone half my age, according to others. It is mostly true that you are only as old as you feel, and I feel largely the way I did when I was thirteen in many ways. Various injuries from accidents and sports make my body feel every bit my age sometimes but hey, I am working on that. I've lost forty-five pounds since the first of the year. Pretty good, eh?

But back to balance. I seem to hear in the responses I get from some a kind of unease, as if it is so vitally important to rub my viewpoint completely out, that no one would ever hear from a believer unless one decided to go to church. Secularism. Whereas a man (or woman) is the sum of all of his or her beliefs and experiences and talents and abilities, so many secularists wish to squelch the spiritual side or bring it into line with just one acceptable way of thinking. I have encountered this occasionally in the blogworld and certainly on the outside as well.

I don't intend to force preaching on people. To me, give and take is the way to learn and hopefully both sides are open to that learning. I have been challenged and sent to research so many different areas since beginning this blog. It appears that some on the Darwin side have done research in order to carry on the dialogue. Sometimes we seem like boxers jabbing and feinting through preliminary rounds, looking for an opening to deliver a knockout but it never comes and so we deliver blows and clench and the rounds go on.

But then when the subject gets away from science and steers in the direction of God the fighting gets more intense for some. For me, though, it is the most relaxing of subjects. Absolutely nothing to fear in the discussion of God. God has remade my life, been the basis of a happy family, proven to be intellectually beyond satisfying for there is so much to know about God and just a few years on earth to learn. Finite beings seeking knowledge of a supernatural and eternal being, not easily accomplished. The Bible is just a book of myths to some, but to me it is full of truth and wisdom and beauty and joy. God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. God is love. God is truth. If you will, I grok even if the term is ironic considering the source. I Grok God! I should have a bumper sticker!

My daughter has come in to announce that cheesecake and ice cream (left over from her birthday party) work nicely as comfort food and she feels much better! It figures. Five years from now she likely will have forgotten the day her "repaired" camera turned out to be broken still.

For those of you who reject God, and of course that is your absolute right, I do hope you keep just a little corner of yourself open to the possibility. That a day might come when you are open to changing your mind. Not because it would benefit me in any way, because it wouldn't. Partly because I know that God wants His people to tell others, because God would want a personal relationship with every man and woman on earth if they would be willing. But it is especially because I know the difference between God and not-God. That is of course very personal.

So don't think I would arrogantly tell you what to do or believe. One of the gifts we were given along with life is the free will to think and do as we choose, within the confines of what others will allow. I don't think of God every minute, I get into sports, into romance, into sciense, into a good book, into Jack Bauer saving the day or Vic Mackey trying to keep a grip on it all....I pet dogs, watch sunsets, savor a delicious meal just as you do. But part of balance for me is the time I am aware of God, of what He says, of what He might wish me to do...of the love He has for me and I have for Him.

I'll end this. My father passed away, far too young, and for years it was hard for me to think of him because I missed him. Even when we were apart I had the knowledge that he existed in the world and would be there if I called. I trusted he would always be for me and would do what I could were I in need. This, and more, is the way I feel about God even though I cannot hug him or call him on the phone. It is not because I am stupid and don't know better. It is not because I am weak and need a crutch to hobble my way through life. It is because I wanted to know truth, sought it even in the midst of my wastrel existence, craved it because I could not conceive that life was truly meaningless. Yet I was not willing to make up a solution that appealed to my intellect or accept the solutions of others. I wanted Truth, the thing that would resonate within me as being the Answer and when it was there in front of me I could not help but choose to believe and follow. Then I had a touchstone in my life. Then I could begin to seek balance. I do hope for all of you that you do find your Truth and your balance as you make your way through this life.